It's like I'm two different people, living in two different worlds, and I only have my faculties when I'm in the world I come from.
What kind of life do I want? I want my wants. But if I allow the wanting now, I'll be too dumb and accidentally settle for less, because the things I want I've never known or had around me before.
How do I remember the easy days, days that feel like memory but never actually happened. Days my body and existence is setup for, but has never known.
I should have easy mornings with no nightmares to fight off. All I can think of is those first few months after I turned eighteen and how easy I was, how I did everything with ease.
Why didn't I just leave, then? Why didn't I just leave the House when I was four or ten or fifteen why didn't I just walk and not stop walking? Why don't I just leave everything now?
It's hard to know your own story, your own life, especially when you have to rely on the people around you because you don‘t remember. What if they are lying?
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