4

19JUN2009

K____ and I’s friendship seems dead.
Whenever I walk into our room it’s like stepping into a funeral parlor. We are deathly silent to each other.
I’m on my own now, and can feel it, so that the How is strong, the Toughness so tough it’s Focus.
__________
　
20JUN2009
　
Story should never dictate how I act. I choose Story because otherwise I’d have to be original, free, and it’s very difficult.
I was unfocused, thinking about what’s going on with K____ and walked past W___, who wanted to say hi, but I seemed preoccupied .. I miss out on a lot when unfocused .. McD___ used to say the same thing. He’d see me around town and wouldn’t stop me to say hi, because I seemed preoccupied, busy.
__________
　
21JUN2009

(reading Stud Terkel during TOC duty) Every time the narratives mention a brother or sister or friend tagging along with them thru the Great Depression, it makes my chest cringe with sadness for the loss of K____. We were like brothers so far thru this deployment.
(reading Terkel) Hard to read .. They’re telling stories like the House but with this pride, and steady attention. It’s making my head heavy, I’m so confused by their Pride. What everyone else calls my Violence.
__________
　
22JUN2009
　
(waking) Had dream about sheer nature. It
had the feel of the Discovery channel‘s _Planet Earth_ with the broad, sweeping views.
In the dream I figured it was Nova Scotia. It’s where I lived, by myself, like in _Into the Wild._
Then the dream became more specific. Where I lived had a strong creek, and Mom and the House stood on one side, and I had escaped to the other, to the Nova Scotia side.
In the dream I’m a young man, pure Focus, pure Nature, not a word in my head, so though the House and yard were just on the other side of the creek, they seemed very far away and irrelevant.
A beautiful girl crosses the creek to my side, and decides to stay, because my Naturalness is so attractive to her. I have sex with her .. The dream seemed to be insisting something .. like Nature was the key to sex.
Quote from WordPlay: _The noted photographer and teacher Minor White has complained that _people in our culture talk photographs rather than experience them visually. Whatever is being looked at, photographs or anything else, the input is visual while the tagging is verbal. So for most of us words, words, words, overwhelm and warp any significance appropriate and becoming to visual perception. Some students even claim, that unless they name it – until they name it – the thing seen has no meaning!’_