4

11JUN2009
　
A woman reminds Him (me).
Reminds him of Himself, his Nature, and all Story is gone, forgotten, she brings him back to Nature, brings him back to Life, Real Life.
And He can do the same for Her.
Once a human being can remind as well as Nature can, He is Beautiful ..
That is my assertiveness. That is my exhalation, that is my fight. And it’s effortlessly natural ..
When women look at me, I tend to feel ashamed -- because of the House, and the Abuse. It’s exhausting, my first reactions being wrong.
When I was a boy no moment seemed more important than another. That idea was foreign.
I didn’t realize that what had happened in the Mustang and all that happened after that pertaining to it, was important.

Now that I have acquired a bit more understanding concerning the Story of the Life lived, it’s main events, etc .. I’m trying to get back to the way I was before that, where no moment was more important than another.
From Walden: (a bird in the sky): _It was not lonely, but made all the earth lonely beneath it._ (The dynamic between me and K____ sometimes.)
　
(reading Walden) Nature has one understanding, which is one Real language. All the sounds, languages, of all the animals, humans, are just tools, they don’t separate .. Hence that understanding can never be put into sounds, words, etc.
(brushing teeth after lunch) When I look in the mirror I translate what I see as a reflection of the Real and I’m Masculine Beauty, inside and out. If I don’t translate it, and only see the unReal, physical dust of it, I see an ugly, lifeless, face.
I never need to prove anything to myself -- the idea itself is erroneous and foreign -- hence story has no power in resolving insecurity.
Sometimes I feel I don’t deserve my own power because I always ruin it with Ego.
No matter what the Story, situation, scenario, when you show up, it makes that situation okay, acceptable, not degrading at all, because of the Quality you’re incidentally asserting by being Focused, by being present. The How is everything.
Live your life, the one you’ve got and the Quality will be there, the Quality that you could only dream about, that you could only wish for, during those painful days you wished for another life, a supposed better life.