5

(Tuesday, 02OCT2007)

W___ tells his stories totally honestly, he hides nothing, he doesn't rehearse, he just tells the truth always. He is totally unashamed. He knows he is cool, tried and true.
__________
　
(Wednesday, 03OCT2007)

It's like you feel privledged to be around him 'cause he's the real thing, he's untainted. But you're untainted.
__________
　
(Thursday, 04OCT2007)

W__ has the need to distinguish himself, that's why he handled Iraq the way he did.
I’m so distinguished it drives me crazy sometimes.
He acts jealous of me, like he wished he could say he came from Hell. Why are all my friends crazy.
I used to have dreams, wants for myself when I was a kid. I wanted to be handsome. Wanted to be cool. Wanted to be loved. Wanted to be relevant somehow to the world.
When I think about this I see how W__ and SFC T__ and L__burg shouldn't be such a pressing issue.
I want to be a part of their lives because I believe their lives are not tainted and mine is.
I wanted a good job. I wanted to be competitive in a way where others wanted to be like me and have the life I had.
I remember the feeling I knew as a boy, where all these wants stemmed from: I wanted to do well.
It was what I wanted for myself, with no one else in mind. This was my plan from the first moment though I was still unknown, just a speck in the womb.
I got stalled along the way, that was because I didn't believe my own truths. Maybe.
I wonder about this job. I wonder about leaving my Hometown, about L___burg. It's like I don't belong anywhere now, but for the spot I'm standing in ..
I sustain myself, for now, with trust that SFC T__ won’t forget me; out of sight out of mind, as they say; the military constantly forgetting to pay their soldiers.
Trusting that me and W___ will stay the same. Etc. Etc.
The trust is my only home now, since I have nothing tangible in front of me to call home.