4

10MAR2009
　
When I think of K____, I think of Saturday morning cartoons.
The other clue K___ gave me about himself is when he talks about his girlfriend. _Her social skills, man, sometimes she says things and I just look at her like, what? Why did you just do that?_
Social skills are his natural talent, and he has no understanding for those who don’t have the talent.
Like when we sat at the Mexican restaurant we’ve been using as a chow hall, and he said _Um .._ because he can’t sit and be quiet. Socializing must commence, and as he says Um .. he’s thinking of something to say. He landed on complaining about our highers. It was like a list of subjects went through his head and he chose one.
So my life has been a series of A___s .. A series of sibling-like relationships where the sibling is more alive then me ..
Maybe if K____ had been my sibling instead of A___ it would have been a series of K____s ..
Not a bad thing. K__ doesn’t come from sexual abuse.
Maybe.
__________
　
11MAR2009
　
(night) stood up to An_____ when he called me a liar.
Then I went into the A company barracks and Forest___ said, _I heard your voice out there and I was like, that’s Chuck. Sounded like you were really giving it to someone .. _
Afterwards, in the cigarette smoking area, K__ laughed and said, _I’m living vicariously through you, Chuck. Oh my god .._
__________
　
12MAR2009
　
(driving in convoy out to FOB M____)
.. then why do I always fall back on that? (the Ghost) Because you think it’s your beginning ..
My eternal moment always begins in that place, then through changes I have made, it goes to the Real, True place that I am (Him) .. It’s erroneous.
I can’t remember everything about being that young, so I’ve assumed their story true, when it’s not, that’s not my beginning. The True, Real place is, no changes necessary.