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30APR2009
　
Woke from nightmare where L___ and A____ were the same character, whose body and face kept switching between the two.
She lived in one of the NY-dream apartments, where the whole city is desolate, with an abandoned air, and an incredibly sad feeling about it.
Nothing really happened but my visiting her. It was the presence that was the nightmare.
Later, in the shower, the strong memory of the city of ___ and Sing__ (my first battle) hit.
I had to hold onto the shower head and close my eyes as I took the pain of it. I don’t understand the two events or whether one had to do with the other.
Why am I depressed? K___’s gone. Yeah, but I was depressed before ..
I never thought about what I wanted out of this deployment .. I just wanted to be good .. Which is a lot of work, because it’s hard to battle off Story and to face the Doubt and unknowing that having no Story requires ..
Also I wanted the money .. needed the money .. and the Education benefits .. needed the education benefits, and the adventure of it ..
__________


02MAY2009
(night)
(Me and K____ trapped in the hmmwv at the connex yard during the sand storm.)
He chose to be here -- (college-student money problems) .. We talked about our early twenties, because the film Into the Wild had made me so nostalgic.
I never knew a couple of 25 year olds would be so reminiscent of what it was like when we were first out on our own. A lot of intimate stories were exchanged. I think we might be friends.