Someone asked me my age today, and it made me cringe to answer.
It's clear to me now that my life would be no different whether I was conscious (not numb) or unconscious (numb). All the right decisions were made. I knew exactly what I was doing. I was merely numb, detached, distracted, not conscious of what I was doing, always in my own way, making things difficult.
In the end that would have been the only difference: things would've been easier, more peaceful, I would've recognized what I was doing and facilitated myself.
I notice that I have a hard time sitting still. I'm always catching myself tapping my fingers or my foot, or something.
I know that the key to not being numb is to be able to handle stillness without going crazy, the key is to be still.. I remember that movie, '28 days' starring Sandra Bullock. She's in treatment for addiction and she says to her counselor: _I mean, a person should be able to sit in stillness without throwing herself out a window._ (which is exactly what she had done).
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