(waking) Best sleep I’ve had in months. Something about our new more-permanent dwellings .. K____ went out on his first mission last night and told me the story.
_How do I fall asleep while my heart is pounding? I can’t believe I did that,_ he said, and laughed.
Medics are always being driven around, without much else to do, despite being outside the wire and in imminent danger.
I feel bad when I fall out of focus. Today I told the story of how me and Mace__ moved SFC L___’s stuff on our own yesterday. I told it to SGT Ba____ .. I don’t know how to talk and stay in focus, I don’t know how to tell stories while in focus.
After the conversation, it was easy to forgive myself. I noticed the difficulty, felt honorable, and went back into Focus.
I didn’t talk to K____ much at all today; he was asleep. He was just as dead to the world as I was last night. So I didn’t wake him till a quarter til his shift, so again we didn’t get to talk.
Later Will__ needed medical treatment and I had to literally run to the TOC to get him, he seemed snappy and annoyed.
Sometimes I’ve been that way to him but it was never about him or anything he had done so I brushed it off.
Later, in his new room -- the one me and him had built for him -- after I had wrapped my hurt thumb (I have to keep it wrapped because the nail is injured), I noticed an opened letter on his shelf.
Still in Focus, I committed the crime of reading it. His Mom uses explanation marks, and reminded me very much of Angelica of BSN, except without the wisdom. She asked K____ to keep reading his Bible and joked with him using explanation marks. In the moment K____ seemed more normal to me, his Mom less idealic. His mom didn’t seem, and doesn’t seem better than my mom, which was a surprise. For all her faults ..
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